Reinventing Oneself

After a Brain Injury

Sun's Spirit 1'x2' mirrored horse surrounded by brilliant stained glass framed in silver and gold... Rear up against the dependency, rear up and challenge what is being said about the rest of your life and find the power within to continue the fight for what you want to happen...

Flower Burst 11x14" watercolor on yupo... Even when life is going along without you... suddenly out of nowhere comes a burst of wellbeing... what did I do to make this happen? How can I make it happen again? You feel somewhat normal for a moment and then the terrible feeling is back, you wait, wonder, and hope for another flower burst.

Wondering: A Reflection/A Refraction 12x12 acrylic reversed painting mounted on mirror showing a reflection of a woman who sees herself not as others see her. Presently part of an exhibit and not for sale.

Wild Horses 16x20 framed oil of horses of different colors, forming herds that support one another. When separated from the herd, they stand alone, frightened, looking for like minded support. It is important that we all find our herd to be safe, flourish, grow and to become wild and full of life.

Summertime 11x14 watercolor on yupo of a newfoundland (born and bred to be a water dog) wearing a life preserver while going for a rowboat drift with a young girl. Sometimes the simplest pleasure comes from being with a pet.

Flying Free 12x12 framed acrylic reversed painting of a bald eagle flying freely over water. This painting is backed with an irridized lavendar grey stained glass and framed in black. The eagle is a bird of majesty and pride along with being a sacred messenger. When an eagle presents itself to you, you are being given the reminder to use your gifts to help others move out of their darkness, remembering that all things are possible. Presently part of an exhibition and not for sale.

God-ess Great Approximately 13x13 diamond shaped piece constructed of brass, sodered brass pieces, acrylic paint, resin coating and dyed rocks and mirror. God-ess Great is presently in an exhibit about reinventing oneself, a personal journey of healing. God-ess Great speaks to reaffirming one's faith from childhood. She possesses the ability for you to see yourself and all of the wonder that surrounds you.

When Gardens Dream Even gardens dream of better days... of being the best they can be, however, it is not always up to the gardens as to how they grow... Even gardens that are overgrown or dying teach someone, something...

Flower Child 8x10 framed acrylic painted field of flowers with a 7" tall 3-D fused glass face of matching flowers so the head appears to float out of the field of flowers. ...who you were is who you still are, only different. So much I can't remember. Do others see me as the same? I have fewer bouts of grief now and even though I can't remember who I was, I still have stirrings as I sit in a field of flowers as if I can remember being a flower child of the past.

Se'er 11x14 acrylic reverse painted young woman with silky fabric behind her. Her clothing is adorned in 18 karat gold leaf and she wears a headdress of roses to match her ornamental vest. A Se'er is someone who sees and foresees... I see these qualities as something I want to nurture in my life to bring peace and help me connect to my spiritual truth.

Calm Acrylic reverse painted whale backed with irridescent blueish lavendar stained glass. Framed in an antique 11x15 (edge to edge) frame. And then there is calm and although I know that reinventing oneself is like a spiral passing in and out of stages, I pray that it is the calm after the storm.

Brain Injury Rehab: 10 months and 10 days

Buoys Afloat Times when I feel lost and alone, no purpose on my horizon, I have the sense I am a buoy afloat. Waiting....I attempt to keep my faith as I am bounced around and find little comfort in seeing others do the same. I know I am not alone but I won't feel complete until I feel the tug that lets me know I have purpose. And when my purpose is fulfilled I know it will be my turn to go home. This 18x24 framed mosaic is made from real sea-lost buoys given to me by the harbormaster after the Patriots Day storm. They are mosaiced with venetian glass tiles, mirror tiles and refitted with original rope. The three buoys are afloat in a sea of stained glass and glass nuggets, then framed with an older wooden frame to enhance the old ocean feel.

Sacred Messenger My friend and I periodically do sacred play for clarity with runes. Being open to the Devine I received 3 runes: the past: the universe is demanding that you grow. The present: there are no quick results, patience, persevere, you'll be successful. The future: do the experience for the experience not the goal and always be open to the Devine. When confusion clutters my brain, I am put on notice by the Eagle Spirit that guides me bringing the thought: all things are possible with its presence of being my sacred messenger. This 11x14 watercolor is done on yupo paper in the sacred and healing colors of purple and blue.

It's Crazy Out There An old beat up window discarded by the side of the road. Layer upon layer of dirty cracked paint, but I saw a diamond in the rough. One of my first investments in mosaic materials was 100 pounds of tiny glass shards sittting in a tupperware bucket. To me they were like see through gems in beautiful colors waiting for a new life. I could empathize. The pieces of my larger world had been shattered... My brain has made it difficult for me to see and to make sense of the world. And even though the paint on my body is layered and old, my family, friends and pets are the framework that not only hold me together but make me look good. It may look crazy out there to me, but given a frame to hold on to, I look pretty good.

Attitude This watercolor of a wolf with attitude reminds us that attitude can be a tool to get us where we need to go but carries the warning that it comes with consequences. Utilizing attitude when you need an extra internal push can be helpful, but user be aware, you may alienate those around you if used too strongly. This piece is presently part of an exhibition that is currently not for sale.

What If? What makes the other side of the road so enticing to a daddy long legs that it would be willing to risk it all to cross? Is it the flower garden on the other side, the hope of a better life, more fun, more food, a new friend? Does the spider know he is in mortal danger or care? The spider can barely see danger from his vantage point. Isn't life like that, we are going about our business, getting to the other side, barely seeing when we suddenly become blindsided with a change so horrendous we often wonder in hindsight, did I have to be on that road? What if I had done something different? What if....

Confabulation...False Memories It was brought to my attention by two people in the room that what I was relaying as a memory, never happened. Confabulation: the overlapping of real and not-real, false memories, having the feeling of falling off the balance beam in high school gym class. Or is that a false memory too? How will I know the difference? Does it mark the end of securely knowing what has really taken place? I am blessed to have been let in on this secret. Do you know if you confabulate?

Running Away - Running Towards There is a fine line between running away and running towards and I have difficulty knowing the difference. It is easier to ride a galloping horse that is running to somewhere as opposed to riding a horse that is running in fear. A horse that runs in fear can spook more easily, throwing the rider off balance. The potential for getting hurt is far greater. The lesson: keep balanced, pay attention to which kind of running you are doing, and stay in forward motion. The running towards is a lot more fun than the final destination. Enjoy the journey.

Juno-Janus The Goddess of secrets, mysteries, and hidden things. She simultaneously looks forward and backwards so she can base what she does upon what has been. It is important to learn from our mistakes and make corrections, then look forward to pursue new endeavors. And even though we often fall into the same hole, forgetting to look at the past, Juno-Janus offers us the chance again to reflect on what has been, what is, and what is to come. Thus, the new life begins now.

The Vast Universe The universe of possibilities lay before us, expansive and unknown. Uncharted territory. Yet at the same time, it is full of color, light and dark, sparkles scattered randomly throughout. Ahead lay the possibilities of a new lifetime, a reinvention, a journey and an adventure. When looking out there I can feel a sense of fear and yet at the same time, anticipation.

Recalculating Life After Rehab

Recalculating 11x14 fused glass face in black and white surrounded by at least 20 different black and white types of tesserare indicating the decisions that we seemingly think of as black and white but turn out to be a case where we find ourselves recalculating to make the path work.

Taking Flight Reverse painted Great Blue Heron taking flight from the driftwood perch backed with hues of purple, blues and deep pinks and green stained glass. The Great Blue Heron teaches us that some of our hardest challenges are our deepest strengths. The greatest challenge to the Great Blue Heron is ability to take flight and yet it is one of it's greatest strengths.

Still Life Having many meanings, the words Still Life can refer to the life that is still, life is still life, a moment when nothing seems to move. A fossil, anemone fossil, tumbled blue, turquoise and pink glass embraced by sea shells throw a brilliant reflection of inner light indicating that even when still, life lives within. This piece is surrounded with beach sand from the nearby ocean symbolizing life is all around us.

Shedding Garter snake skin left behind on a mossy rock. In order to move forward, renew and rejuvenate the old must be left behind. Shedding is a tribute to leaving the past behind and finding the new skin to move ahead.

Metamorphosis Simply put, change CAN be beautiful. This reversed glass painting strikingly coupled with stained glass gives a feeling of a life not well defined but serene.

Developing Confidence There is a point in life when you have lost confidence and developing a will to fake it (confidence) until you make it can play a strong role in your recovery. Even when confidence is weak, a skill in pretending that you have it can start to produce the effects of having confidence until it becomes second nature. Developing confidence was water-colored onto grade quality paper expressing a lack of confidence, that the painting will not be good enough to spend money on using expensive materials. The paper has been rubbed and scratched in, as a cloud overhead, looming almost as doubt, gently visible, ever present. This is a representation of the past and present that lingers as a puff of dust waiting to fall on the fur or blow away.

Exhibit 1

My art is a personal journey of healing after my life dramatically changed with a brain injury. I was blessed with retaining many capabilities, however, the four year journey has been long, scary, and full of twists and turns that has kept my family and I wondering what will happen next. In the past year I have had the opportunity to attend rehab for people with brain injuries and have discovered that our journeys of healing are very similar. The process of recovery is like a spiral entering in and out of the five stages of grief from the loss of how life use to be to reinventing oneself. Regardless of your type of loss, Elizabeth Kubler-Ross recognized the universality of the 5 stages of recovery. They are:

1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance

Exhibit 2

These pieces of art and writings took place, more or less, during the 10 months and 10 days of my rehab experience. I entered New England Rehab. Outpatient program in December 2008 and graduated October 2009. Exhibit Two is the next leg of the personal journey of reinvention up until my graduation from New England Rehabilitation Hospital.

My brain injury happened in April 2006 and changed my life so dramatically that I didn’t recognize who I was and where I could go. Two and a half years later, after being challenged physically, mentally and emotionally, I finally became well enough to enter the outpatient program at New England Rehabilitation Hospital in December 2008 and graduated 10 months and 10 days later. I am truly grateful for all that I have learned, new friendships that I have acquired and most of all the learning that showed me I am not alone in the symptoms that I live with and the journey that I am on.

The purpose of this exhibit is to share my experience so that you will share yours and to offer hope and provide inspiration to try new things. When my accident happened I was a 3rd grade teacher, flute player and avid horseback rider. I did not create art. All of the art I have done in these exhibits has been drawn from the desire to transform myself and try something new. This is how I can inspire, educate and this is how I move on.

Exhibit 3

It will be my 4th year anniversary after the accident that changed my life. I have been through the recovery process that spiraled in and out of getting better and getting worse until my 3rd year of recovery when I was well enough to enter into outpatient rehab for brain injury which lasted 10 months and 10 days. From that vantage point of graduation I thought the universe laid before my feet. With strategies in hand, a game plan in my mind and friends and family for support I set off into my unknown. With a holiday season and a big event to follow, I had my life set for several months and when those plans were over, I needed to recalculate.

Go this way….recalculating…go this way…recalculating….go this way

The different avenues I was trying to take didn’t seem to be working even though most of the decisions seemed black and white. “Follow the path I made for myself while in therapies,” I would say. But the path seemed all over the place as I attempted to make seemingly easy decisions about what to do next. Without a plan, focus and attention seemed elusive. My son suggested to do only one thing at a time, but there was too much to think about. Life became overwhelming and what seemed like easy decisions became confusing pathways that led nowhere. And so this short period between graduating rehab and returning to some therapies to find direction and help again with daily living skills has been a period of recalculating whether I could live life on my own without reporting to anyone and leaning on others. What I have learned is that with all of the seemingly straightforward, easy, black and white common sense decisions and doings that are involved with life it really is as easy as just saying to oneself “all you are doing is recalculating”.

More about the artist.